The terms Sapiosexual and Demisexual are two of the most controversial topics in defining personality and attraction.
Over the years, human sexuality has evolved beyond the common scope of physical and conventional sexual categories that includes heterosexuality, bisexuality, asexuality, and homosexuality to accommodate other sub conceptions that deal directly with personality, exposure, experience, and acquired proclivities.
The birth of other identities such as sapiosexual, demisexual, pansexual, omnisexual, and gray-asexual among many other terms further expands the matrix creating pouches of spaces where one individual can identify as one of these sub-labels to various extents.
The focus is on both enigmas, Sapiosexual vs Demisexual. It is generally understood that sexual orientation revolves mostly around shared attractions, emotions, and related behaviors.
It describes the role that attraction and emotion play in human relationships and how each person’s definition of “what they find attractive in another person” is unique to them.
Sapiosexuality and Demisexuality are two common sexual identity tags, but what makes a person sapiosexual or demisexual, is there a sapiosexual test? What are the characteristics of a sapiosexual and is it possible to identify as both? Let’s take a look.
WHO IS SAPIOSEXUAL?
A sapiosexual person is one who is sexually and emotionally attracted to an intelligent person or mind. Sapiosexuals are sexually and emotionally attracted to the mind, they are stimulated by the insights and intellectual perspective of another person.
They crave intelligence in their lovers and can even be sexually aroused by intelligent conversations. They are the lovers of the “mind”.
However, no one walks around waving a sapiosexual flag to warn others to make their first statement highly insightful and mind-joggling so often times one only gets a chance at a first impression.
For most people, physical and personality traits such as skin color, height, dentition, sense of humor, kindness, charisma, and extraversion are what attracts them to a potential relationship partner.
For some other set of people, they only get into a romantic relationship with a person when intelligence is involved. This intelligence isn’t necessarily academic but encompasses all spheres of a particular person’s interest.
Most people might consider intelligence attractive and may even regard it as a key factor in their relationship “checklist.” Sapiosexuals, on the other hand, are exclusively pulled to intelligence only when it comes to finding a deep mutual human connection. For sapiosexuals, intelligence is not just a desire, it is essential. You can be labeled a sapiosexual if:
- Intelligent or deep conversations excite you
- You don’t like making small talk
- You rank intelligence above any other personality traits in a potential romantic partner
- You are drawn to emotional intelligence
- You are mostly attracted to teachers, educators, philosophers, philanthropists, librarians or professionals whose field involve learning or intellectual capabilities
- You need multiple dates before you can ascertain your feelings for the other person
- You are physically attracted to someone but intelligence sits at the top of your list
- During dialogues, grammar matters
- You find debates more alluring than an erotic massage
WHO IS DEMISEXUAL?
To simplify the term, a demisexual is a person who finds it difficult to form a sexual or romantic relationship with someone they don’t have a prior emotional bond with.
A person may have all the coveted attributes or characteristics that makes them attractive on sight, but a true demisexual doesn’t fall for looks as opposed to the person’s personality. There has to be a point where an emotional connection is built or “chemistry.”
Demisexuality is a fragment of asexuality where people who fall under this category are not attracted to anyone, irrespective of gender, character or intellectual factors.
But unlike asexuals who have no iota of feelings or sexual desires, demisexuals are capable of expressing emotions but under very specific circumstances. With demisexuals, there is nothing like “love at first sight”, a very deep sense of trust and friendship has to be in place before any romantic or sexual relationship can occur.
Dealing with demisexuality can be complex as some may ask isn’t everyone demisexual? Here is a demisexual test. You may identify as a demisexual if:
- Your relationships mostly begin with friendship
- You barely develop infatuations
- You detest any form of physical touch
- You mostly date your friends
- Your friends think you are prudish (not open to sexual relationships )
- You take your “crush” way more seriously than normal
- You don’t understand the concept behind flirting
- You don’t prioritize sex in a relationship
- You only enjoy sex when you are emotionally connected with your partner
- You prefer sexual- self-stimulation to have sex with a random person
Aha! Still think you may be one?
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SAPIOSEXUALS AND DEMISEXUALS?
Sapiosexuals rely on the insightful mind and thoughts of a person before they become romantically involved with them. A person’s cognitive and mental abilities rather than emotional tendencies are what make them attractive to sapiosexuals, whereas demisexuals are drawn to the emotional impact of a person.
Demisexuals can be attracted to a person who is not extraordinarily intelligent as long as they share a deep emotional connection with that person. While sapiosexuals may connect with a person at the first point of contact because of intellectual reasons.
Demisexuals on the other hand hardly connect with a person at the first point of contact because they need time to know the person better and develop an emotional bond.
1. What about highly intelligent persons who are simply numbed by the beauty and presence of the “sapiosexual” person and for this reason they are unable to make any literal sense when they are both together? 2. What about demisexuals who often end up leaving their closest friends in the “friend zone” after a long period of sharing deep emotional connection? 3. What about rooted sapiosexuals who also require an extraordinary emotional connection in order to develop any form of attraction to the next person?
IMPORTANT QUESTIONS FOR A ROUND TABLE DEBATE
1. What about highly intelligent persons who are simply numbed by the beauty and presence of the “sapiosexual” person and for this reason they are unable to make any literal sense when they are both together?
2. What about demisexuals who often end up leaving their closest friends in the “friend zone” after a long period of sharing deep emotional connection?
3. What about rooted sapiosexuals who also require an extraordinary emotional connection in order to develop any form of attraction to the next person?
CAN YOU IDENTIFY AS BOTH SAPIOSEXUAL AND DEMISEXUAL?
There is barely any scientific explanation to show why people form these sexual tendencies with respect to developing romantic and emotional relationships. There is also no solid evidence to support that people can alternate between different sexual identities or be a combination of two forms of sexual identity. In fact, most of what is known today concerning these labels associated with the traditional sexual orientations (heterosexuality, bisexuality, asexuality, and homosexuality) are purely based on anecdotal reports and individual opinions. However, going by the general definitions of sapiosexuality and demisexuality, it can be inferred that it is relatively possible to assume both forms of identities.
Sapiosexuals don’t usually hit it off with another person on meeting them, although it is a possibility. They usually need time to gauge the person’s level of intelligence before getting their emotions involved. This also applies to demisexuals, they need time to get to know a person better before developing any form of attraction towards them. The binding factor here is “Developing an emotional connection”.
Demisexuals and sapiosexuals both need to assess a person thoroughly and see if they fit their interests before getting attracted to them. The two forms of sexual identity sort of overlap and complement each other. A demisexual who values intelligence may take time getting to know an intelligent person while forming an emotional bond along the way, same way a sapiosexual has to take their time to see if the person is intelligent enough to merit a sexual or romantic relationship. That being said, it may be possible for an individual to exhibit both traits of sapiosexuality and demisexuality, but more research is required to make this deduction a fact.
Looking to date a sapiosexual or a demisexual? Thinking about how to survive the first date or the next few dates? You could search for sapiosexual conversation starters and sapiosexual quotes to give you an edge, of course to there is no guarantee that this would work. The best way to be sapiosexual is to be one’s self.